Tired

“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28

There’s a song by the Christian band Tenth Avenue North called Worn. It has been around for a while now, but it’s one of those songs that whenever I hear it, I’m stopped in my tracks. It seems to speak deep into a place in my heart that always exists.

It speaks to the place in my spirit that I can never seem to shake. That’s a place of total and complete exhaustion, tiredness of spirit, absolute fatigue… I’m not talking about the Monday-morning tired, we all experience. I’m not talking about a bad-night’s-sleep tired. I’m talking about that weary, life-is-so-hard, when-are-things-going-to-get-easier level of tired. It is a why-do-people-suck-so-much tired. It’s a there’s-gotta-be-something-more-to-all-of-this tired. Spirit tired. Soul tired. Humanity-on-the brink tired. It is a bone numbing, gut-deep level of tired. Worn.

If you are unfamiliar with the song, I heartily suggest you do a google search and enjoy it in its entirety… Otherwise, I will refresh your memory:

“I’m tired/I'm worn/My heart is heavy/From the work it takes/to keep on breathing/I've made mistakes/I've let my hope fail/My soul feels crushed/By the weight of this world”...

Do you see what I mean? Songwriting brilliance. And that’s just the first few lines of the first verse. Whenever I hear these lyrics, it’s like this bruise, deep within my heart, resurfaces. It’s like a scar from a long forgotten injury begins to ache… The tired I forgot about comes back with a vengeance. Everything starts to take so much effort.

I’ve heard other people reference this level of tired, especially in recent days. Pandemic, racial unrest, politics, moral breakdown, hate, crime, environmental destruction… the list goes on. It’s making us all tired. It’s making us all worn.

I was reading in the Book of Mark in my Bible the other day. To be honest, I should tell you that my phone told me to read the book of Mark, specifically it said: “Meditate on the scripture Mark 1:35”. Yes, my phone told me to do it. It was weird. I don’t subscribe to any Bible-of-the-Day services; I don’t have any “push-notifications” activated on my phone for this kind of alert, but one Monday morning, going downstairs to do my morning devotional, my phone lit up in my hand. “Meditate on the scripture Mark 1:35” a message read on my screen... Ok? Who I am I argue with my little digital buddy. As they say, God works in mysterious ways. Who’s to say that wasn’t a text from the Divine. So… I cracked open my Bible.

“Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed.” That’s what Mark 1:35 says in the New International Version translation. That’s it. Mmm’kay? This is what I was supposed to meditate on? It wasn’t much to go on. So… I did what my phone told me to do. (Meditate: Noun, to think deeply or focus one's mind for a period of time, in silence... for religious or spiritual purposes...) For the day, I mediated on Mark 1:35.

“Very early… in the morning… while it was still dark.” Huh… That’s when I usually do my daily Bible devotional time; early in the morning. Especially since Fall has arrived. The sunrise seems to take it’s time each morning and darkness seems to linger... Next: “Jesus got up.” Ok. He was sleeping and he got up early before the sunrise. “Left the house.” Well, we know from other Bible verses that Jesus liked to go out and pray alone, so… I’m with you… “and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed.” Quiet time. Quiet time alone with God. Alone with his Father. Jesus made it a priority to get up early and have a personal time of connection with his Heavenly Father.

Wow, there was a lot more in that verse than it initially seemed. I’m glad I took my phone’s advice and spent some time meditating on Mark 1:35. But…

The next morning, in my devotional time, that scripture kind kept holding on in my mind. So I returned to it. And I dug a little deeper. I backed up a few verses and read Mark 1:20-39... So… Pretty much the bulk of these scriptures is Jesus traveling, driving-out demons and healing the sick. There are huge crowds following him to listen to his teaching and to be healed. Divine business. He had work to do. He had a limited time-line to get it accomplished. Jesus was working against a literal dead-line to get his message out to as many people as would hear it and to minister to as many “sinners and tax collectors” as he could.

When he goes to that solitary place in verse 35, I have a feeling, he was feeling very worn… tired, possibly to his bones.

I know Jesus is holy, and I’m sure he was bolstered by the Holy Spirit in his ministry, but we also know that he was fully human and therefore susceptible to the same human emotions that each of us are subject to, including exhaustion. I would think, after prolonged travel, miracle-working, teaching and ministering to the masses, Jesus was feeling pretty tired. Pretty worn. Which gives even greater depth to Mark 1:35 when he seeks out the Father in solitude.

No one knows what he prayed that day away from the others.

But we do know what he did when returned… His friends said (actually, they “exclaimed”)... “Everyone is looking for you!” Yes, the exclamation mark is right there in the Biblical text, I did not add it for emphasis. In other words, “Where have you been?!?”

Have you ever been totally and completely exhausted and a friend or a coworker or a boss kind of jumps on your case? I know I have. They don’t mean it. They’re just living their life, doing their thing in their own lane and they don’t realize the strain that you’re under. They have an agenda, need for you to meet. You, however, are so past the point of helping that the last thing you can do is meet their need. You can barely meet your own. Usually when I’m in this predicament, I absolutely lose it. There is no margin left for others and their well-intended pushing ends up pushing me too far. It’s unkind and unfair, but it’s what tends to happen.

I don’t know if Jesus lost it when his friends exclaimed at him that everyone was looking for him. However, he had a response and his response to his friend’s exclamation was pretty much, “Well, then let’s just get out of here.” (Ok, those are my words not his, what he said was “Let us go somewhere else—to the nearby villages—so I can preach there also. That is why I have come.”) Translation? Let’s get outta here. He needed a change of scenery. He needed to get outta Dodge... So they did. They moved on. What did they find in the next place, Galilee? More people in need of healing, more demons, more opportunity for ministry and more people to teach. More work. More worn.

I guess what I am saying is this: we all get burned out. We all get to a point where we have to shake the dust off our feet and move venues, change scenery, get outta Dodge. It’s not a weakness. It is a strength of spirit to recognize that we need to recharge our batteries… possibly in a solitary place.

Jesus recharged with his Heavenly Father. Time alone with the Father gave him focus and strength and clarity. If we listen to our inner voice, and acknowledge when we are feeling worn, we get the reward of renewal.

In the current climate of America in 2020, there is much to feel worn-out by. There are so little options to recharge. Giving yourself permission to feel what you’re feeling may be the first step in renewal. Be honest with yourself. Be honest with your friends and family. Tell them that you’re feeling spread-too-thin, empty, bone-numbingly-tired. I suspect they already know. I suspect they are probably having a similar experience. Make “getting away to a solitary place” a priority. It doesn’t have to be a far-off destination and it looks different for everyone. Maybe for you it’s a trip to the beach or the mountains. Maybe it’s taking a hike or a bike ride. Maybe it’s floating on the river. Dinner with a friend or a blanket and a good book can be a solitary place.

Give yourself permission. Permission to feel the feelings. Permission to withdraw… Permission to refresh the worn, replenish the tired. Permission to rest. Permission is the first (and most important) step. Make yourself a priority... If Jesus could do it, then so can you.

I want to know a song can rise/From the ashes of a broken life//And all that's dead inside can be reborn/'Cause I'm worn. (Songwriters: Jason Ingram / Jeff Owen / Mike Donehey)